The Posting Itchies #3: Feminism

To my awesome-sauce readers,

So, I’ve made a promise to myself to try and post something at least once a week and I’m working really hard on keeping it. Though anyone who has read my earlier posts probably thinks I don’t know how to count because it goes from entry 1 to 3 and skips 2. The truth is, is that I started entry 2, but haven’t finished it yet. I hit a block about halfway through. Either way, I’m super excited to be writing this post. This topic is one that is really important to me and I think it’s been given an undue bad reputation.

I’ll be the first to admit that before this semester at college I would NOT have considered myself a feminist. However, that all changed with one conversation. Bear with me here, it might be a little more information than necessary to understand the change, but it’s a good story in my opinion.

So, what happened was that I was in my room with my friend and his girlfriend (now ex) who I was meeting for the first or second time. She is an IR (international relations) major like me, but she’s a freshman. To start the conversation she asks me, “what IR theory do you believe in?” Which in my opinion is kind of like asking someone you just met if they’re a Democrat or Republican. It’s a terrible conversation starter.

Well, to try and be diplomatic I respond, “I don’t really have any specific IR theory that I completely believe in. I think they are usually pretty radical one way or the other. I’m more for a moderate approach.”

Then somehow one thing led to another and she says, “I’m probably a terrible woman for saying this, but I hate feminism.”

I was like O.O

“whatttt…??” =O

><

O.O

“…..”

Yeah… she went there. It completely blew my mind when she said that. Logically, I knew there were people who did not believe in feminism, but I had never met one and could not even imagine EVER feeling that way.

So I tell her that I think feminism is a good thing. I told her how I believed in the ideals of feminism. However, I also told her that while I believe in it, I did not consider myself a feminist. I think that’s one of my biggest regrets of that night besides not completely raging at her. I told her how I thought that modern day feminism has taken on a more radical view and has become associated with man-hating and all that what-not, which is the only reason I don’t consider myself a feminist. So, while I believed in the ideas I did not want to be associated with that word. I told her about the first and second waves of feminism and how even though they were radical, they needed to be, to be heard. Continuing on that vein, I informed her that I think that we need to continue to fight for equal rights for women because as a PR (public relations) major *a little side note here… I AM OFFICIALLY IN THE DUAL DEGREE PROGRAM!!!! YAY!!!! sorry.. I’m a little excited* I can expect to make on average 30% less than my male counterpart even though we have the same responsibilities, education, and everything else. The only difference is he’s a male and I’m a FEmale. I failed to persuade her that feminism is a good thing and that we need it.

Later on, as I was raging to my roommate about this she made me see a very important point. Even though I believe in feminism if I won’t associate myself with it how can I expect anything to change. We need to change people’s views of feminism in order to show them why it’s necessary to have it.

If you were to look up the definition of feminism in Google you would find this definition, “the advocacy of women’s rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men.” How is that bad? Also, no where in that definition does it say that feminists hate men or any other such nonsense.

Even in Urban Dictionary, where words are defined based on the commonly held beliefs of the current generation defined feminism/ feminists as this, “Feminists–and all persons interested in civil equality and intellectuality–are dedicated to fighting the ignorance that says people are controlled by and limited to their biology.”

I still don’t see where the man-hating is coming from and that happened to be one of the points that she brought up. Either way, after that conversation I decided that I wouldn’t care if people thought I was some “man-hating lesbian who’s living in sin,” I would proudly call myself a feminist and show them how wrong their definition is. How could I expect to fight for equal rights between men and women if I shied away from a word thats definition is exactly that?

Well, no more. It’s time to take a stand and embrace being a feminists. The sad thing is so many women believe in equal rights, but don’t want to be considered feminists because of the bad connotation. That’s what needs to change though. It’s regular folk like us that need to take up the mantle and show people the importance of feminism and that is not about man-hating or anything of that nature. It is simply wanting equal rights between men and women.

I don’t know if I’ve been able to fully articulate my thoughts here, but I hope that I have at least convinced one person who reads this post of the importance of feminism. I guess I just don’t understand why anyone would be against equal rights for everybody, but then again I’m part of the “oppressed” gender.  This is essentially my cause now. While I have many beliefs and believe in many causes, this is usually what I put my effort toward.

So, to lighten the mood because I feel like all I’ve done is preach in this post, which I totally apologize for, let’s end on a funny note for everyone except me. At this moment in time, I am sitting in a Panera to write this post. Usually, this is not anything out of the ordinary considering I love sitting in coffee shops, but this particular time is a little different than all the other times. I don’t know if anyone has read or remembers, but in my first posting itchies entry, which coincidentally is what started this series to begin with, I tell you guys that I was writing in a Starbucks. The reason was that I was being sexiled from my room. Well guess what… I am once again being sexiled by my roommate. -.- Yippee. As productive as I am being on my blog, this is getting ridiculous. Then when I tried to tell her, she made it seem like I’m being the bad roommate. Gahh!!! I hate roommate.

Now, that I’m done ranting and raving I’ll say the same thing as always. Comments are most welcome because I love hear all your opinions.

Until next time,

Miss J

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The posting itchies: entry 1 relationships

Hey guys,

Once again it has been way too long since I’ve written anything. Once again I must apologize. I’m starting to think I’m not cut out for this blogging thing. I want to blame school and life in general and say that I have no time, but while that plays a factor, I really just haven’t had any inspiration to write. I actually started a couple of posts, but never finished any of them. I don’t know what makes today different, but I’m feeling inspired so I’m going to go with it. Hopefully, this will be the first in a series of posts today now that I’ve got the “posting itchies.”

Today, I’m going to touch on a topic that I feel like is always on people’s minds. Dating. Relationships. Sex. And the dreaded… Marriage (just kidding, I think marriage is great if both people are sure). Usually I wouldn’t write anything about this due to the massive amount of posts and articles already out there about the topic, but maybe I’m just in the mood because of my own feelings or the fact that I’m sitting in a Starbucks since my roommate sexiled me from our room. =( You guys should send me reviews and condolences. Getting sexiled really sucks. I’ve been told not to come back until tonight. It’s not even 12:30 at this point. However, I digress. The point of this post is not to lament the fact that I’ve been kicked out of my room. It’s to talk about the whole dating culture or maybe lack of in society today.

I also apologize if everything seems a little jumbled as I have a lot to say, that it may just end up as one huge rant. So, let’s start with something easy. Hookups and dating. I recently read an article about a professor at Boston College that gives extra credit to students who successfully ask and go on a date. For those of you who want to read the article:

http://www.bostonglobe.com/lifestyle/2014/05/16/boston-college-professor-assigns-students-dates/jHXENWsdmp7cFlRPPwf0UJ/story.html?event=event25

Anyway, the article got me thinking. At first I thought the professor was crazy because my generation definitely knows how to date, but sadly, we really don’t. I thought about all of my friends and acquaintances and rarely do any of us ever say “hey, so I’ve got a date tonight” or something along those lines. It’s always,

Friend: “Hey, so I’m meeting Jack (just some random name) later”

Me: “Ohh la la.. date!?!”

Friend: “Nah.. it’s not a “date” we’re just “hanging out”

Me: “You’ve been “just hanging out” every week for the past month now” *deadpans*

Friend: “Dude, don’t make this into something bigger than it is. It’s just hanging.”

Me: “Well.. do you WANT to start dating him?”

Friend: “I don’t know. Let’s just see where this goes.”

Maybe this conversation doesn’t mean anything and I am making this into something bigger than it is, but I think my generation fears definition. When everything is so easily changeable; from our statuses, to our hair color, even where to live. We fear putting parameters on ourselves. For a generation that espouses freedom, we fear having restraints put on us.

One example of this is cohabitation. So, I looked at a bunch of different websites, but in the end Wiki had the best and most comprehensive set of data on the matter for the U.S. In the U.S. about 7.6 million opposite sex couple and 514,735 same-sex couples were living together without being married in 2011 according to the Census Bureau. In the UK in 2012 a little less than 6 million couples were cohabiting together. These might seem like small numbers considering in 2012 in the U.S. there were 112 million unmarried people over the age of 18, but it is significant because the number is rising every year.  So, long story short is that it seems like my generation is moving away from conventional “relationship norms” like dating and marriage and moving into more uncharted territory like cohabiting.

Okay, so bear with me here because I will be going a little off track here, but I think it needs to be said and I promise I will relate it back to the initial topic of my post.

So, this is not true for everyone, but from the significant amount of articles I’ve read about millennials not knowing how to interact with people face-to-face and having no definition in relationships, along with our “hookup” culture, I might not be too far off the mark. I think that our generation especially has built so many walls and defense mechanisms around themselves without even realizing we are doing it. We are in an age where we share things about ourselves without actually sharing things about ourselves. Most connections between people are superficial. Yeah, I have like 200 friends on Facebook, but in real life I may only about 10-20 people who I even bother talking to on a regular basis, now that I’m thinking about it it’s probably even less than that. Many people say how the world is becoming transparent, but in my opinion it’s not. Yes, we talk about ourselves and are constantly “checking-in” or tweeting what we are doing “Going shopping with the besties =) <3” or changing our statuses on Facebook compulsively “feeling excited. Getting ready for a great night!” but where is the substance? None of that honestly tells you what a person is feeling, yet we accept it as all a person is. We believe that this is the extent of a person now. I admit, I am just as guilty of this as other people. I am aware of what I’m doing, but I can’t seem to stop myself, doing this is like a safety net at times. Sometimes I think I have this down to an art, telling people about myself without actually telling them anything about me. Almost everyone who meets me will tell you how much I can talk, but how much of that actually has substance? I’ll tell people about my major (but not about how or why I’m in my major, heck most of the time I don’t even tell people I’m a dual degree), or what happened during my day (not about how some of that made me feel though), or if I’m closer to them maybe even about some childhood memories (but never anything that couldn’t really be learned from listening around or how i felt as a kid). No one even thinks to question this or even seem to think it odd. Like I said… knowing someone without actually knowing someone. (I’m thinking about expanding on this as its own post, but haven’t decided yet)

Now, time to tie this back to the original topic just like I promised. We fear being vulnerable. We fear showing ourselves to someone and then being rejected or found lacking or maybe its become subconscious. At this point, maybe we are so used to how things are that we don’t even notice we do it. This applies to dating, relationships, and marriage because we either don’t want to/ or don’t know how to open ourselves to people. My theory about how this leads to dating goes back to the whole concept of definition. If we don’t define anything (boyfriend/girlfriend, boyfriend/boyfriend, girlfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, husband/husband, wife/wife) then we don’t have to share ourselves to anyone. This also leads to the whole restraints thing. With freedom comes the ability to hide. In my opinion (and feel free to tell me how full of shit I am), restraints narrow a person’s ability to hide because you can’t get away with masks as easy. Definition is scary… I learned this first hand recently. I brought up the conversation and I still don’t know where I stand with this guy. *sigh* The sad part was that one of my first thoughts after asking the question was “this is why I prefer hookups, they’re so much easier to deal with.” So the question about whether the hookup culture is the cause for our inability to date or if dating and feelings are responsible for the hookup culture, I honestly have no answer.

This then brought me to thoughts about marriage. If I can’t even bring myself to commit to someone as their girlfriend, how can I ever commit to being someone’s wife? I’m pretty sure I’m not the only person who feels this way, so this sentiment goes a long way in explaining my generations’ inability to date or really to commit in general to things like this.

Haha.. the funny part is that I’ve spent so long on this post that all my thoughts are even more jumbled than when I started. I’m pretty sure I got all the main points I wanted to make out there. I know I haven’t covered everything I feel about the topic and barely even touched on hookups, but for now I think I’ll end it here. I might decide at a later date to post a follow-up on the topic, however, as of now I’m pretty “relationshiped” out. You guys should totally hit me up in the comments section and tell me what you think though.

Eagerly awaiting some controversy,

Miss J =)

Sorry for the hiatus

To my readers,

I admit it had been a veryy long time since my last post and i’ve been pretty inconsistent. I’m really sorry. Hopefully, this summer I will be able to get back to blogging regularly. I have about 6 hours of down time in between my summer courses and nothing to do, so let’s hope that I can get some pieces up in that time. 

So, for the last couple of months I have been working my butt off at school for this giant interdisciplinary group project. I absolutely hated it. It got me thinking. Why are group projects so hard? We are taught how to compromise and get along with others ever since we were little and yet when it comes to group projects there are always issues! Now, don’t get me wrong. There are obviously groups that work very well together, but if you asked the majority of people they would rather work alone. Maybe it’s just the people i’ve been talking to, but what do you guys think of group work? I know it’s necessary and part of life, but ughhh!! 

Promising to post more,

Miss J

http://www.upworthy.com/ever-considered-what-guys-look-for-in-girls-forget-it-think-about-what-a-17-year-old-says-instead

http://www.upworthy.com/ever-considered-what-guys-look-for-in-girls-forget-it-think-about-what-a-17-year-old-says-instead

I know it has been a while, but I am utterly swamped this week. However, I could not help myself when i saw this video. I absolutely needed to share it and I hope you guys, my readers, enjoy this young woman’s powerful words as much as I did. This is such an inspirational poem and I’m definitely impressed. 

I will definitely be posting more about this when I have the time, which will probably be after I finish getting owned by these midterms. 

Cheers,

Miss J

When she was ju…

When she was just a girl
She expected the world
But it flew away from her reach
And the bullets catch in her teeth

Life goes on
It gets so heavy
The wheel breaks the butterfly
Every tear, a waterfall
In the night, the stormy night
She closed her eyes
In the night, the stormy night
Away she’d fly.

And dreamed of para- para- paradise

Paradise by Coldplay

We all dream for paradise and believe we can only find it in our dreams. I think even if we never find it, we can get pretty close. So I wish you all the luck on obtaining your little piece of paradise. 

Machine… Absolutely Obsolete

To any of my readers who like to go clubbing,

So, on Friday night I went out to a gay club called Machine. Worst mistake of my entire day and I was making plenty of them that day. The club itself wasn’t so bad, but the employees and especially the manager were absolutely terrible. 

We got to the club probably around 11:30. Maybe even a little earlier. There were two lines outside the club. One had a sign that said VIP, obviously we were not VIP. I am totally not cool enough to get into that line. So, we went to line up in the other line and trust me, it was a longg line. Then when we finally get to the front the guy tells us that this line is only 21+ and we had to go into the other line. I don’t understand why he couldn’t just check us in considering we waited on the line already and the two age groups got different marks from a marker anyway. Either way, then we had to go onto a just as ridiculously long line for 20 and under. That wasted about half an hour of our time. We didn’t get into the club until around 12 and it was cold outside. Boston weather does not make for the best clubbing season. 

When we finally get into the club they charge us $15 each, when apparently 21+ get in for free. This makes sense since we can’t buy drinks, but still that is highly expensive. I’m a broke college kid. After, we go to get our coats checked so we don’t have to carry them around while dancing. We waited on line until around 12:40, when finally a lady tells us that there is no point in paying the $3 since 20 and below will have to leave at 1 anyway. No where on their website does it say that. In fact, it says that the club closes at 2 am and there was no differentiation between the two age groups. After hearing this my friends went to get our money back. The person at the front desk knew we would have to leave in an hour and still said nothing as he took our $15. Not even a warning.

So, they went to go talk to the manager/ owner. That is when tempers really started to boil. The owner was a complete and utter, excuse my use of bad language, jackass. It was as if he was being purposely unhelpful and as antagonistic as possible. This might sound a little bias to you guys, but my friends are not quick to temper. In fact, they usually have the patience of a saint. I know this because they deal with me on a daily basis and I am not easy to handle. However, even they were hard-pressed to not scream at the owner. It was okay that he did not give us a refund in the end, but the way he handled it was atrocious. He told us that he couldn’t give us a refund, but then went on to promise that we could get in for free next week. Sounds good right? We asked for that in writing and all he would give us is his promise and that he would remember us. I’m sorry if we didn’t exactly believe him after all that had happened that night. We then proceeded to ask for his name and he purposely mumbled it so that we couldn’t hear it! I know he mumbled it because he was perfectly clear and loud when telling us we wouldn’t be receiving a refund, but he doesn’t have the same good enunciation with his own name? I call bullshit (Once again apologize for the unsavory language).

In the end, we left extremely disgruntled and fuming. I would actually feel bad for the guy if he wasn’t such a jerk because i know my friends will be showing up again next week and if they aren’t getting in for free, it will be a VERY long night for him. xD He would deserve all the trouble he gets too. That was a terrible way to handle the situation and customers. Not only were we harping him about it that night, but now he has 6 even angrier people coming back next week. If he doesn’t deliver on his promise I have no doubt my friend will be raising hell. It also gives them such a bad name. You have people like me who will go on my blog and spread the news that they are THE WORST club ever. That’s terrible for business. Guy must not be very good at business or have much sense. Why would you invite 6 people who hate your club back the next week?

Either way take my advice, Machine absolutely sucks. Don’t go there. I don’t usually review places, good or bad, but this place was so horrible I felt the need to share my experience. I hope if any of you were planning on going there, that this saves you the misery and anger.

Being forever helpful

Miss J